For the last few years I have grown with one foot on the brake.
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And yesterday I had a massive breakthrough that I want to share with you.
When I started to really go for my business in 2017, a LOT shifted for me.
It wasn't just about my business -- it was about me. I just decided to go for it.
Unhinged. Brazen. What fun. It was the fun part of an awakening -- the realization that life gets to be what you make it.
I got clear on my desire.
I knew it was possible.
I did the ground work + belief work. And I went full speed ahead.
And it worked.
- My business grew.
- My influence grew.
- I quit my full time job.
- I purchased a 2nd rental property with a partner.
- I bought my dream car.
- I had my first 5 figure month.
- I started working with a builder + an architect for a real estate development.
- I hired my first assistant.
- I was on national TV
I remember shopping for a client in Los Angeles and a girl came up to me and said, "Are you Styled by E.?" -- I was like whoa this is wild.
All of this happened in less than a year.
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And then my ex-husband got sick and seemingly overnight my life exploded.
A rupture.
It was so much.
So.much.loss.
So many layers of grief, sadness, confusion.
And then a divorce.
It felt like tidal waves of emotion to process.
Tidal waves of grief.
My confidence shattered.
And honestly -- very few people knew how to relate. It was all great when I was talking about buying an Audi off the showroom floor (highly recommend you do this in life!) --
But life seemed lonely when I had go deep deep and start excavating and rebuilding. I entered into a season of repair -- which many days looks like simply surviving.
I had to re-learn how to be an adult.
I had to re-learn how to be Elissa.
I had to re-learn how to love the parts of myself I deemed unloveable.
It felt like learning how to walk again.
Timidly. Slowly. And as much as I wanted to speed up the process, it seemed impossible -- grief isn't linear. Repair isn't linear.
And yesterday something shifted (hello new moon in Aries) -- I could feel it in my body.
I could feel that I have been stopping myself--What if I have to experience that again? As if I'm already anticipated the other shoe dropping.
I'm slowing myself down before I've gotten to the starting line.
But.
It's time to start running again.
It's time to start dreaming big again.
It's time to start a new cycle.
I have a new story. New dreams. I have a better foundation. I have myself. I have all of me. I know how to speak so kindly to myself. I know how to travel through time and space in love.
So here is to a new season. A new moon. An (almost) new year for me.
Here is to seasons of life.
Seasons of expansion. Of rupture. Of grief. Of rebuilding. Of joy.
Here is to traveling through seasons of life in love.